wow...a year ago...even two or three years ago...it was so different...not sure which way but it definitely has changed. I mean I have changed. I am more shy in like group gatherings now..but I haven't been as much in speaking my mind about some things. It usually with FPC people..but I still do it. I have been quiet around people lately, I don't hate it. I have learned not say some things or not worrying about what some people think about me. I also used to try to be someone I wasn't. I may not feel like I am in the group I am in but I do feel accepted. They actually say things to me, but I wonder that is just I give them food and drink at lunch...oh well.

I don't post things about people that much. I will do it sometimes..but I have limited it and if I post it, most likely all my friends know about it. 

I used to just take pictures..now I am actually into it and putting thought into the pictures I take.
I actually kind of want to model for a photographer. I used to hate getting my picture taking but if was outside or something, maybe it would be alright.
I want to do portrait..take pictures of people, not pictures taken of me....I am thinking of doing something like this for the senior project next year. It would awesome, something I have never done, and if they don't change too much..it should work. I could see how I like it. I want to do now but I'll wait.

I am not sure if I really want to do photography for life. I don't know if I am good enough. Potrait would be an easier way to get money and I would know I would have some. I know I would have to be the one to alter the pictures. I am not that great at it. I need to take a class, I think THS provides one.

I am also a little more confident about myself. No matter what my family says, I am more mature than I was.

 My love for technical theatre has grown. I just love doing it. My job at Malco has somewhat conflicted with some of it but my boss is nice and willing to rearrange the schedule. He changed some of the days in the week for some people.
The job has been great too but I haven't got what I was planning to use the money for: a better camera. I need a new especially now since I have a cracked lenses and my battery thing won't stayed closed unless I have a rubberband on the camera. It isn't too bad but if I am going to portraits for senior project, I need a better one.
-elizabeth

&&here are some pictures I took at the coast the previous weekend&&

12

34

56

78

 9

12  3

<4 <5 <6

1 2 3 <4<5 <6

78 9 <10<11<12<13<14<15

I keep having this feeling that I am not wanted anywhere. I feel like the only reason I have hung with people lately is because I work tech with them and they can't just leave me out. I feel like I have done something that has made everyone think I such a sucky person or something.
 
I wonder if when people think who to invite to do something...Am I one of them?-That is what I think.

I also wonder if people notice that I am not as talktive or spastic [sp?]  or hyper as usual...or is that everyone is caught in worrying everything else and everyone else problems? I am not saying that people shouldn't about their own problems but when you have friends that notice. Shouldn't you notice when they are in a bad or sad mood.

I sometimes just wish I had a boyfriend because sometimes I feel awkard. Like when people tell stories or when everyone around me is with someone. Or everyone has that someone on their mind. Yes, I know I have said I'd be okay if I never was in a relationship but I think I lied.

I don't want to vent to anyone because they will just roll their eyes and go on with life. They might just say I'm sorry and then go on with their life.

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I think the reason I haven't shown much concern about getting my lisense or even permit is because I am scared of wrecking. It wasn't the bad when I wecked when just practice driving near the church. But when I hear about wrecks, my mind goes crazy. I freak out a little. ?
I have been giving the excuse why get a lisense if I don't have a car. Which is partly the reason.
The reason I didn't care that about getting my permit when I turned 15 was because I wasn't doing anything..I had no one to hang out with.
I hate asking for rides but I don't know. I think I am scared to drive.
Like when I am just sitting in a car and I think I would go..I would probably have a wreck or cause a wreck.
But I want to drive at some point in my life. Maybe when I get car. Maybe when I am senior in high school.
--------------------------------
what is so bad about not being in a relationship? I mean like you never been in one..and what is so wrong about never having a boyfriend?

I sometimes wish I had one but it's not too bad not to have one. Not when you have great friends.

Then if you don't have great friends, it sucks.
Friends are supposed to notice things. if they know you well enough. right? okay, just wondering.

I usually just tell a guy I like them. Some reason, they don't respond at all. 
Recently, I liked these two guys but said nothing. I haven't really given any sign but I am kind of scared to. That maybe that they wouldn't do anything about it. I am wondering if I should just tell them or one of them. I don't really like one of them anymore.
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I suck at everything.
I suck at life.
I should be able to cheer myself up.
I should be able to find something to do to keep me from pondering on things.
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I hate being one of the 5 girls at work. Well 3, because one is a supervisor and not there a lot and the other is always ushering and hardly talks to people. I tend to hear about things I would just hear Drew say. Well not just Drew but yeah. Hardly anything phases me or grosses me out. I would probably just say whatever.
People at work say they would be shocked if I started talking about sex and drugs and stuff like that.
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I keep having this feeling that someone close to me is going to die soon. Maybe it is my granddad.
I fear that when he dies that I will show no emotion. In my head, I am just thinking about what ways I might react and where I will be when I hear the he has died. I wonder if anyone will be around and if so, I wonder who. I also wonder how much longer. ?
I need to go visit him.
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Mexico

A couple weeks before Mexico, I had feeling I needed to something different, something new. [still do] The discussions we had nights as a group and the things Forrest told us to think about, got me thinking. One of the questions was why aren't we going to Mexico [or  Africa, any other coutry] or even Tupelo to help the poor somehow. Money and age could be a reason. Then, I could just save up until I reached the age limit and I could ask the church. I have always thought about mission work and how much I love doing it. Another could be the language barrior. Actually no, because even though not everyone knew spanish, we watched them show us how to do things. We were really productive. Then, I thought about how I also love taking pictures. Well, I could take pictures of provetry for magazines, other things that aveterise things to help the poor. I like to visit new places. It somewhat seems like a good idea but I am going to continue to pray about it. It yall wouldn't mind, would yall pray about it too? I would greatly appreaite it.

I had a great time but glad to be back home. I am so tired and sore, but it was worth it. I got to get know people better.
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sorry that I am taking forever to post this. I posted what's above the day I got back..but I wanted to add more.

I will I have pictures later..I am being lazy and not posting them. It's great watching the kids after they see that you have a camera.

gah! I am glad I never waited to tell a guy I liked them before because once I found out the truth, I moved on. This waiting game/thing sucks!! why do we do it?? I want to him badly, I can't figure out why this guy is different. Is he worth wait, but I not giving any signs at all. I wish I knew what type of girls you liked..or maybe I wish that you don't have a type..

if yall haven't noticed, I am not really patient in this area..so to wait this long is amazing for me!
 =I have decided which guy I like more..but I have a feeling that he already knows or will know soon that I like him...and not by me. 

not like anyone would care...

I hardly know anything about you but I like everything that I do know about you.

-elizabeth